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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382894">dancing with your ghost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakegoe/pseuds/kakegoe'>kakegoe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Osasuna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:49:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakegoe/pseuds/kakegoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The most painful kind of losing your love is losing them to something you have no control over, that the thought that if only you were given a choice, you would continue to love each other in lifetimes and more makes it harder to let go. It haunts a feeble mind, and you either move forward or linger in the past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Osamu &amp; Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>dancing with your ghost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>[tw] implied character death (nothing major, but it's there.)</p><p>fourth day (prompt: death + "has it always been this silent?") entry for #HaikyuuAngstWeek2020. inspired by sasha sloan's dancing with your ghost.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>        Three years and the beige paints were starting to peel, but not much of the four walls have changed. The oakwood doors still creaked at the slightest move, squeaking locks and ticking clocks ringing in the silence of midnight, memories of a distant love enclosed in its surface. Not much have changed; Rintarou’s scent lingered under Osamu’s nose, warm breaths and soft touches still familiar at the back of his mind, reminding him of every day he had spent with his love and every day he had not,<i> and every day he will not.</i><br/>
<br/>
       <i> No more.</i> No more of the early morning rises with lazy smiles and side embraces. No more of the spontaneous slow-dancing at 2AM under kitchen lights. No more of the late-night talks, planning the future; <i>marriage, adopting kids, building a restaurant—</i>no more. No more of them. No more of him.<br/>
<br/>
        Osamu was left with a mere ghost of who had come to be his only love.<br/>
<br/>
       <i> “You’ll hold on, right?”</i> Osamu had asked once; the usual stoic face tainted by a look of dread and worry poorly covered up under the dim fluorescent lights. He had their hands clasped together, his attempt at a calm demeanour failing with how tightly he was holding Rintarou against the hospital sheets.<br/>
<br/>
        Pale, chapped lips smiled, genuine and reassuring. <i>“For you.”</i><br/>
<br/>
        But Osamu should have known that was too selfish of him; to ask someone who was by then tired, to stay. It was selfish to pull someone who only wanted to rest, simply because Osamu was not ready to let go. And he had never been ready to let go. Not even five weeks after, four months later, and three years past.<br/>
<br/>
        Not even now.<br/>
<br/>
        Three years and tears continue to be shed before night breaks to day, making up, and more, for the two months he had not wept when he lost him. The day Rintarou had let go, Osamu mustered no cry. It was only two months later that he did, pouring out all of his soul, when he finally realised that <i>no matter how much he would wish to hear, touch, or even just see a little bit of Rintarou,</i> he will never be able to. Not anymore.<br/>
<br/>
        The most painful part of it all was… it was not their choice. Had they had one, Rintarou would be by Osamu’s side right then, smiling, whispering, leaving a kiss on the latter’s forehead as he goes to bed. Had they had their choice, Osamu would have forever of Rintarou, and Rintarou of Osamu. They would choose to continue in a lifetime, and more, and fulfil each promise that was now sadly left merely broken. But they played no more than shoulders to lean on in a story long foretold, where there were only two options laid out: accept it or continue dwelling in the past.<br/>
<br/>
        And for Osamu, he decided to miss Rintarou for every piece of his being, for every day.<br/>
<br/>
       <i> Has it always been this silent?</i><br/>
<br/>
        Three years and the beige paints were starting to peel, but not much of the four walls have changed. And yet, somehow, the stillness of the night carried more weight than ever before, deafening and painful, as though the world was mimicking how hollow Osamu felt and how much he was equally hurting inside. It has been long, but he could not seem to bring himself to move on, but even doing so much as <i>trying</i> cut him deep, especially with the thought that if Rintarou had been given a choice, he would choose to stay and love more of Osamu every day.<br/>
<br/>
        Osamu was now left dancing with the mere ghost of the past—of his bygone lover, their song playing on the record turning in the background. His chest constricted with every breathing moment, muffled screams of hurt and frustration threatening to slip past his quivering lips as the night had dipped bottomless to a cold, bitter silence, making way for more reminiscences to flood his mind. He could swear, that in the dead quietness of the night, he could hear Rintarou’s sweet lullaby of a voice—that in the chilly air, he could feel Rin’s soft, warm touches. But heaven only knows where his only love is now.<br/>
<br/>
        Even for a lifetime, and a few more eternities, for Osamu, Rintarou would be everything that was, and are, and will be. </p>
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